Busy Bee and Things

... that's me. I have been entirely too busy to take a few minutes out and post something. Or, maybe I'm just too stingy with my freetime and I'd rather sleep? ;-)

I know it's been a couple weeks. This weekend just slowed down and for a lot of you (if not 98%) you have the day off. Thing2 came home Thursday night. I spent the entire day / night, Friday, with Thing2, Thing3 and Thing4 at Disney.. (pics to come). Saturday was a work day. Today, I delivered Thing2 to the bus station and Thing4 to the airport. Thing3 and I went Target & Rooms2Go shopping after that. Thing3 will be turning 15 soon and all she has on her mind is driving.. driving... and driving. So I let her practice today.
While I was at work Saturday, Thing2 decided to break up with his g/f (who was spending the day with him at the house) .. so I had to hear that drama from Things 3 and 4. Oh to be young and not in love...

So, I have to buy a new bed. I've been trying to do internet searches first, before I travel to various furniture stores for their "deals" but my freaking internet has been psycho for the last few days and won't let me view most pages. Thing3 wants a new bed too.. you know.. because I grow money trees in the backyard. Feel free to come over and pick from them if you want.. I have an endless supply. :-)

Yeah, about that....

You're all invited to travel with me down Therapy Avenue... so buckle up.

I hope everyone had a nice Mother's Day.. or at least were nice to your mothers for the day. Yeah, about that. Sounds like hypocritical advice coming from me, right? ...(place fake smile here)... I'll have you know, and I really don't know why, I sent my mother a card with a $100 Visa card in it. I hadn't sent a Mother's Day card in years. I've always had a hard time choosing cards for her because many cards were sentimental.. or from the heart.. and I just can't lie. Typically, I go for humor in that situation. You can't go wrong with humor.

She's getting older and I realize that the things that were done... were so long ago. If that's the case, why would I allow memories to bother me well into adulthood. Well, not well into adulthood. I'm still young!

In providing my own therapy (costs less), I've decided that it can't be good to hold onto this hostility. That's too harsh of a word, hostile, hostility... sounds like the enemy or something. Resentment. Yes.. that's fitting and way more appropriate. I resent many things, but what I resent most of all, was the ability to grow up in a normal family, or have a loving mother. I was robbed of that and I'm envious of people who had good parents. Would I have turned out to be a better person? Of course I'll never know. Maybe I would have been a well-respected physician in a well-known hospital.. saving lives daily like Superman... er.. woman.

Why do I feel cheated being only a nurse? That's not a slap in the face to other nurses.. or the profession. Really.

It's just that I thought I could do more...

Oh, here's a question. Why am I dealing more with this now than I did 20 years ago? I just ignored it then. Is this because my life is statistically half over and I'm trying to subconsciously, but then not-so-subconsciously figure things out (in front of the entire internet) before I die? Pftt. I have another 40+ years for that. Hey, now that's some positive thinking. If I'm in typical 'Jordan mode', then I'd just put it off. I'm so famous for that... I'm really good at back-shelving these sorts of things. How good you ask? Let's just say, if it were an Olympic Sport, I'd wear a ribbon with a gold medal dangling from my neck.

No one is perfect. I know that. We all make mistakes. Blah. Blah. and a hundred more Blahs. It's so easy to say those words, but you know while I'm saying them, in this case, I am rolling my eyes at the same time.

Thought you'd want to know that.

Anyway, back to the card/Visa. It wasn't a white-flag gesture.. it was just me basically saying "here, happy mother's day... go to dinner.. or something" Don't look further into this. I called my sister yesterday (I had to send it to her house because I don't know my mother's address).

Me: "Did she get it?"
Sister: "oh yeah, I was getting ready to call you, I took it to her this afternoon"
Me: "and...?"
Sister: "she cried ... she had to take her glasses off for a few minutes"
Me: "oh.."
Sister: "that was nice J... she was shocked you sent her something... "
Me: "ok, well I'm driving.. have to concentrate on the road.. talk to you later"

Writing, uhm typing this out is therapeutic, and truly I have Cindy to thank for that as she twisted my arm into blogging. Alright. She convinced me to blog. :-) Coincidentally, I use her as a therapist at times too... she has such the insight and I always expect her to be brutally honest. I don't know why I said coincidentally, she knows and I know, that we were meant to meet on the cruise ship a thousand years ago.

Oh, and by the way... I'm removing that sign on my forehead that reads: "Lie to Me!". It's been there for years... so it's about time!

Onward and upward!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day! I'm not sure what everyone else is doing for Mother's Day, but I'm working. Hmmm, seems to be the story of my life lately! Until I had kids, Mother's Day wasn't anything too special. I made the usual mother's day stuff at school, but as usual, it was glanced over and sat to the side. (or thrown out). My mother would save crap from the 60s or 70s, like old unsealable tupperware, but didn't save a thing we made for her. I'm not the poster mother for all mothers, but I displayed, then SAVED the things the kids made! I just can't imagine being the type of mother that my mother was, and still being able to sleep at night. Anyway, enough of that. Daughter #2 couldn't wait for mother's day, so she presented me with a card and basket of goodies lastnight from Bath and Body Works. Awww. I have been a mother for nearly 21 years now... (omg, saying that outloud makes me feel so old)... but thankfully, I have young'ish genes and I don't look it. (yet), knock on wood. I have the best little characters for kids...For the fun of it.. meet the cast:

Daughter "M": The artist. The writer. Shy at first.. but talkative non-stop once you get to know her. She talks so fast, sometimes it sounds like another language. Currently residing up north, she left the nest a year ago and is finding her way.

Daughter "A": The helper, the giver.. the door slammer! This child is the gatekeeper of Hollister, and would probably "die" if Hollister and Verizon went out of business. She was born with a phone attached to her ear and can often be found on the honor roll.

Son "R": The skateboarding xbox'r. Two things he truly loves and Mama has learned to use this against him. Homework done? Room clean? No?!!? These two items have found a home in my bedroom closet more than once.. :-)

A classclown by nature, he has a very good heart and is quite sensitive.

.

Son "S": Mr. Independence. If he could have been out on his own by age 1, he would have. He's been the ruler of his own world for 18 years and joined the ARMY last summer. He has a harem of girls that follow him as if he's a movie stah... HE is the reason I don't answer the home phone. If you've heard teenage girls giggle incessantly on the other end of the phone, you'd stop answering yours too. He can be found in California at this time, training for combat in Iraq. He's funny, smart and quick-witted...hmmm, takes after his mother. :)

My kid's names spelled out are MARS... (not in birth order)... or ARMS (also not birth order)...haha

My choice.

I think one of the hardest things for people to do, is admit their faults. I was listening to the televsion, or was it talk radio... or a conversation I could hear, somewhere? I heard a woman talk to someone about some of the relationships she had been in (oh, now I think it was on Oprah), she was telling Oprah about the bad relationship choices she's made.

I can relate to that.

She then said something that struck me. She said the common demominator of her relationships gone bad... was, her. As I look back on some of the ridiculous relationships I've had, I can see, that although poor choices, the common denominator of these problems was in fact me. Some of these people were extremely poor choices for me. I can't even begin to say why I chose to be around the type of people I dated or what I ever saw in some of these guys but I do know they all ended the same way.

With me leaving.

That's understandable when some of these guys turn out to be jerks, but what about the ones that weren't?

I have met some fantastic people as well that developed into relationships and somehow, I found a way to end those too... or... find a reason for them to end.

I did a lot of thinking last year in Mexico. What was in me, that looked for reasons to get out of relationships?

Everyone has faults. Everyone has done something. Who was I to focus on that something and make it my excuse for getting out of another relationship?

I definitely don't want to blame this on a less than appropriate childhood.. but how can you not?

I had a horrible mother that I've posted about before... was she or the things she did, the cause for me never feeling comfortable in any relationship I've had? Shouldn't I have figured this out before now? I mean, come on.

I guess the good news is, during this break.. or dating hiatus, I've discovered a lot of things.

I can't be the only person out there that has sabotaged relationships... but what I want to know, is why... why would I do this?

I've never had therapy... do you think I need it? Suddenly Matchbox 20 pops in my head....

"I'm not cRaZy.. I'm just a little unwell.."

Do you ever wish you could have some do-overs? Just take me back to a certain place in time and I'm sure things will be different. Don't try to read between lines here or think this has anything to do with my last relationship, because it doesn't. If I had that one to do-over... I'd start by never responding to his initial email. Good start huh? :P

I think everyone should take a break. The amount of time depends on the severity of the need for said break... but maybe there should be a law. Six months mandatory "alone time" before contemplating the dating scene again. I've gone past that six month mark (sort of ) this last time and I've learned a lot. I'm not quite ready to get out there again, but I know it's around the corner.

Most importantly though... I learned a lot about me. :-)

The weather was here. I wish you were beautiful.

So today we decided to drive over to Clearwater Beach for a few hours of fun...
but this traffic wasn't so much fun...

After 30 minutes of bumper to bumper traffic.. here we are.
Searching for a spot on the beach...

this is behind the Clearwater Beach Hilton.... (seen below)


Hmmm.. wonder if you can find me in here? I met up with a girlfriend and her daughters... still can't find me?
My little guy.. playing in the water..
we got hungry.. and ate here....


I had some of this.. I actually took a cell phone pic of this and sent it to Amanda (who likes to send me cell phone pics of HER dinners) and she replied with "who chewed it before you ate it?" She thought it was a sandwich???
I found out later that she was making Margaritas.... now THAT explains it.
It was actually pasta primavera with shrimp.

This guy kept coming over by me... I'm not sure, but I think he wanted me to take him home. I told him I live in Orlando...

so he left...

You know who you are

Why do you revolve your life around reading my emails?
Did you think it was funny last year when you re-did my dating profile?
Why do you continuously break into my accounts to see what I'm up to?
What's wrong with you?
Why won't you admit what you're doing?
Although you say otherwise, I know you read this blog.
So here it is. Leave me alone.
Your ex told me you did the same thing to her.. for two years straight.
Enough is enough.
And...
save the drama for your mama... I don't need or want it.